Chronicles of Darminia: May 2007

Thursday, May 31, 2007

$q1 = Are you a master PHP Ninja?
$q2 = Excel at object oriented PHP, MVC pattern, Smarty template engine, caching practices and PEAR?
$q3 = Familiar with CSS, Javascript, XHTML, MySQL?
$q4 = Experienced with Zend Studio, Subversion, wikis?
$q5 = Love open source? Aware of RSS, XML-RPC, web services, memcached and all other geeky stuff?
$q6 = Keen to learn much more?
$q7 = Ready to move to Silicon Valley?

if ( $q1 && $q2 && $q3 && $q4 && $q5 && $q6 ) {
echo "YOU SHOULD JOIN US! drop your resume to contact@grou.ps
";
echo "please include some php and javascript code snippets or refer us to an open source project you've";
echo "already made. tell us our coding mistakes in this call and let us know what you know about";
echo "the new javascript 1.7, mysql 5.2 and php 6. thanx,";
exit;
}
else {
die("maybe next time...");
}

WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!

Redneck Sex ed?

Thats not a gun.... Thees is a gun...

Senturee

Thought for the day

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

MY new haircut...

Ax

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

May the FORZA be with you!

Prison Break

It occurs to me that if Prison Break was based in South Africa, the whole thing would have been over in two episodes.

"First for Women" Insurance?

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

hmmm

Do you think an afrikaans tyre manufacturer, when asked what he is doing... says

"starting 'n band baybee... starting 'n band"

I gets a puncture :(

Errmm...

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Biblical Porno...

Random

Mompelling

I had amnesia once -- or twice.

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure.

How can there be self-help groups?

Is it me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Dude ... where's my bike??

Vleis

Swearing at Work

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1.	Try Saying:	I think you could do with more training	Instead Of:	You don't have a f***ing clue, do you?
2.	Try Saying:	She's an aggressive go-getter.	Instead Of:	She's a f**ing power-crazy btch
3.	Try Saying:	Perhaps I can work late	Instead Of:	And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?
4.	Try Saying:	I'm certain that isn't feasible	Instead Of:	F*** off a*se-hole
5.	Try Saying:	Really?	Instead Of:	Well f*** me backwards with a telegraph pole
6.	Try Saying:	Perhaps you should check with...	Instead Of:	Tell someone who gives a f***.
7.	Try Saying:	I wasn't involved in the project.	Instead Of:	Not my f***ing problem.
8.	Try Saying:	That's interesting.	Instead Of:	What the f***?
9.	Try Saying:	I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.	Instead Of:	No f***ing chance mate.
10.	Try Saying:	It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in	Instead Of:	Why the f*** didn't you tell me that yesterday?
11.	Try Saying:	He's not familiar with the issues	Instead Of:	He's got his head up his f**ing ase.
12.	Try Saying:	Excuse me, sir?	Instead Of:	Oi, f*** face.
13.	Try Saying:	Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway	Instead Of:	Yeah, who needs f***ing holidays anyway.